Canada - My Home Country

Being that I am French Canadian by birth, I thought it was time to say something about my home country - especially with the Winter Olympics going on. We have really been enjoying the Games especially the new event, Men's Ski Cross -- Wow! Figure Skating has been pretty good too - looking forward to the Dance Finals tonight.

There is no joke today but a series of questions and answers: these are real questions sent on the internet re: visiting Canada. The questions are really hilarious but the answers, given by a fellow Canadian, are even funnier. Enjoy!

These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Canuck:

Q: I have never seen it warm, in Canada, on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only six thousand km, take lots of water. . .
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)!
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets.
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.